Finding something you are willing to defend is one of the first possible steps to developing a strong and independent personality. I was living with a cat once too, she knew to climb onto my chest and purr even before I knew of a blockage there. I was very sad when she was spaded and I didn't know.
So please, three things, 1) if your cat is too sick, you should look out for yourself too, let it all it nobody can tell you how to grieve just don't harm yourself in anyway
2) Almost every time someone advances, negative entities will try to bring them down in different ways (there's no other way around only forward and on top of things which means getting stronger spiritually, emotionally, mentally, and physically).
3) That is a very clever alias, because it looks too much like a real name
, actually I should try that, think of enemy and use their name here lol!