Slothz Tales: Ditch Weed Dale
3:00 Amz, as I stood in the phones boothz on the Slothz beat. Teley-phone'in the numbers in the book of people who want to be teley-phoned from the phones boothz. Thatz why they leave their numbers in this book in the booth. And informationing them as a Slothz public service annoucementz: "Billy Idolz is Winz, Jooz is lose."
"Hello? Its three Am, who the fuck is phoning me, I am expecting an important call from my feminist sister, Butch Stikes so this better be important!!!!" The voice on the other endz of the phones yelled at me. "Billy Idolz is Winz and Jews is lose." I told her. "Billy idolz is winz?...." She said with a certain tone. "Hey wait a second....Its you that fucking fascist Sloth from the restaurant!!! You better bring back my purse and credit cards you sexist, meater eater!" She screamed loudly. I told her "Feminists are chicks who payz for the datez. That was good chickenz." Then she was about to yell something about something Slothz don't need or care about which was cut short by the blasting of an air horn into the teley receiverz by me. As I hung up all I heard was some screaming :"Ahhhhhh!!!!!!!" and a chicken clucking. Slothz don't like feminists. Bronyz are men who need feminists.
After a couple more hours of the Slothz beat. I mades one last call......"Hello?...Butch is that you?" The voice on the other end said....After a couple of seconds of silence I said: "Noes" and blasted the airz horn into the reciverz. The voice on the other end screamed and I heard bunch of stuff getting knocked over and a chicken clucking. As I hung up I saids: "There's your purse, epic failz warrior."
After thatz I pulled out my Slothz key, humans calls this a Skrewsdriver. And opens the bottom of the phones where the blingz is. And collectz this in my winz sacz. This is why humans call these payz phonez cause they leave the blingz in them to phonez them in the numbers bookz in the booths. After that I met ups with my Slothz brahs! Amonbrahz, Roadbrahz and Fancy Slothz. The Sultans of Slothz. Fancy Slothz is easy to spot he likes to wear Swastika stickers from heads to toes on him. But Slothz like Swastika's and that is Fancy Slothz. "Its time to rollz to winfinity!" As I stated as we jumped in the Slothz mobile. And road offz to our destinations.
But first we hads to leave a flaming bagz of dogs dooz on the door step of this guy:
As we rolled up to the place, I got out of the Slothz mobile and snuck up to the front doorz. And puts the bag of the doos on the front door step. The bell made a loud "Ding Dongs" sound as I rangs it and heard a voice go: "Hel...Helooo?" In the highest pitchz voice I couldz, I said: "Itz me your Princess Fluttershys...I am realz and I likes you...um baby." As the door opened and the dude yelled in ecstasy in a thick Paki accent: "Oh miracles of miracles you are real I knew it!" I ignited the bag and rans. He opened the door in shock at the sight of this and with no shoes started stomping on the flaming doos bag yelling hysterically in a high pitched thick Paki accent. Then he saw us laughing and pointing at hims loudly, and started limping, with a thick band aidz over his phone earz as well, towards our Slothz mobile...yelling in a Paki accent enraged: "You dirty tricking unman! I know its you who have been hate calling me all morning! Give me back my cab now! I still have not forgotten India either! How dare you, sir how dare you!" As we droves off Amonbrahz leaned out the passenger door with a batz and yelled at the turban Brony: " Here's some Friendshipz magic for you, clopping cringe fairy!!" And smashed his My Little Pony mail box to pieces with one strikes of the batz. As the engine of the Slothz mobile roared off we heard him crying loudly at the epic sights of his annihilated mails Brony box. Crying in a Paki accent:" Noooo! Oh my little Pony! You Slothz bastards I had to stay two year in friendzone for this!!!!!!!"
As we rolled downz the highyway to Hellz we turned up the Billy Idolz radio that was playing BIlly Idolz new hit song: Europe didn't get anything from Islamic Arabs.
Then Fancy Slothz noticed by the roadside a guitar case carrying, hitch hiking weed, flagging us down yelling tax. As we rolled up it was this guy:
He opened the doorz and jumped in: "Hey dudes my name is Chuck Lie'bral. But my people call me Cuck." Fancy Slothz said "Oh! look a talking ditch weed, I never met one of these before." and told him: "We can give you a ride back home just points out the ditch you live in and well drop you off there!" "Maybe a talking stink weed?" Amonbrahz said as he leaned over and started spraying Cuck with a airz fresher can. Coughing loudly, Cuck yelled "duudde!....stop it I'am not a ditch weed....I am like a person man!" Roadbrahz looking puzzled stated: "Maybes he is a transitioning weed to female, weedsexual?"
As we started driving off, Cuck opened his guitar case and pulled out the biggest bong on earth and with a dopey smile stated: "Dudes, check' it out, its the Potarded orbital bongoloid model. Did you dudes like know that That's some like shit really means like consciousness in like another language and stuff, its like I take a hull and I am like damn!!! That's some good shit right there. It means like that's some good consciousness. Cause dudes you know like weird, naked brown people in the forest like do this kind of stuff to expand their consciousness to do stuff like squat in the jungle for like ever and sniff stuff. Oh like dudes its totally awesome or what!" Amonbrahz stated: "This Ditch weed smells like some serious consciousness." As he was reaching for the airz fresher can again.
Afterz expanding on his weirdoze, philosophyz of worthlessz Cuck opened up his backpack and pulled out these bagz of stuff and said: "Dudes checks this stuff! This is how I escape from reality I got the different styles labeled on the bags to know what I am up for! This is the brand I call this one Mainstream Media, here is like the other brand: Equality. Dudes its heavy shit man! Oh, wow! Dudes! This brand will your melt your minds forever I dub this one....Hollywood!"
Then Cuck reached deeps into his backpackz and pulled out another bag and stated with stoner glee: "Dudes when I want to get like totally high on my own supply I use this one..."He turned the bag arounds and it said in big letterz:JEWSUS. On the label. Withs a image of a cross.
"oh!" said Fancy Slothz. 'is it not cannibalism for Ditch Weeds to eatz other weeds?"
Then Cuck said loudly and happy: "Dudes you know why this brand is sooooo good? Cause Jewsus was like the first Brony man! Is that not cool. He was totally about friendship magic!"
Amonbrahz looked at Cuck and said: "Jewsus? You mean that emotionally disturbed, dump sniffing, Joo fairy who watches you go to the bathroom, causes hez always watching."
"Jewsus clopped, somehow I am not surprised." Roadbrahz said.
As cuck was playing aroundz trying to litez his Bongoloid device, just as he was about to lite up he saidz: "Lets light up for the Lord!" But dropped his lighter on the floor with a loud "Oy Brony!" He started to look around the floor behind the seat for it. I just looked at myz Slothz Brahz and we nodded and putz our seatz belts on as I speedz ups to two hundreds miles an hour as Cuck was groping around in the dark looking for his litez. Then turning up the Billy Idolz I hitz the brakes and Cuck went head first into the melt platez in the front seat.......
"Awwwoooohhhhh!" Cuck yelled with a thud sound. Then Amonbrahz and Fancy Slothz opened the door and pushed Cuck out. As I droves away Cuck was still holding on the floor boardz screaming loudly as Fancy Slothz stood up and started hitting him in the face with the bongz saying "Bad Ditch Weed go away now!" Cuck just screamed "God damn it dudes I am a human being, awwwwwoooooh stop hitting me, stop it! stop......." Cuck starting coughing as Amonbrahz sprayed him in the face with the airz fresh can. "Awwwwh! I am not a stink weed man! let me back in, I need to get high!" Roadbrahz climbed over and started slamming the door on Cuck's hands which made Cuck screech. "Nothingz is working, the Talking Ditch Weed is too strongz " Roadbrahz yelled at me.
So I toldz him "Breakz the Bongz itz the source of his retardz strength. Then he willz be forced to face his total andz one, weakness.....Realityz." Fancy Slothz threw the Bongz out the door as Cuck screamed and it hit the roads and brokez aparts. "Noooooo!" Cuck screamed as his hands let go and he rolled down the highwayz screaming till he hit a pot hole and flew threw the wind shield of a taxis drove by this guy:
And it crashed into a ditch along the roads sides. "Well looks like Ditch Weed finally mades it home." Fancy Slothz stated as he closed the door on the Slothz mobilez.
And chucking Cuck's backpacks out the windows we drove off threw the night, to the roar of the Slothz mobilez and the soundz of BIlly Idolz.
And that's the Talez Of Ditch Weed Dale!
It was a cold and stormy night as Rabbi Shekelstien nervously adjusted his kippah on his pointed Jew head. As the rain pounded down upon the Synagogue. Rabbi Shekelstien couldn't shake the feeling of dread he had not felt since the last time he had to spend a shekel somewhere on something. As he wiped the rancid sweat from his grimy brow. And unrolled the giant Torah scroll in front of him. As it unrolled he noticed a large bundle in the center of the scroll. Shocked he slowly unrolled it to his absolute horror to find......A Swastika sticker covered Sloth eating a strip of bacon. Before he could react he heard the loud roar of an engine and the blasting sound of Billy Music filling the Synagogue. He stared in shock as a Cab painted with Swastika's and air brushed Billy Idol icons crashed threw the front doors speeding towards him. Enveloped in the head lights. He just slid down the side of the podium with a look of terror on his already terrifying looking Jew mug, and tried in his last moment to do the one thing a Jew loves to do.....Shit his pants, but not even that was possible.........
"Oyyyyyyyyy Vehhhhhh!" Rabbi Shekelstien yelled as he awoke sitting upright with the smell of fear and bagel gas and sweat as he shoved his claw like Jew hands into his hairy, rancid arm pits. Rocking back and forth in fright like a mad man just muttering one thing and only one thing over and over......."The Goyim know....The Goyim know......The Goyim.....Know!"
And that baby! Is what happens when a Jew reads Slothz Tales!