Slothz Tales: Big City Datez
So after putting on the internet works better hat, the hat Slothz wear to go on the internet cause it makes it work better. I went on Tumblr to find dating sitez and found this Feminist dating site, I knew I was there when all the guys had My Little Pony avatars cause they need feminism. After inquiring I hooked up with this chick called: "Puff the Patriarchy" it was either that or "I hate you daddy for not buying me a pony." Something like that, you know whatever....
Anyway so I arranged to meet her for a datez in the big city. So I hailed this cab and as I got in it I looked and found it was being driven by this guy.....
As he started driving he put on a track called "The Brony Hitz" after about five minutes I had enough, because Slothz don't like such. So I told him to pull over, then acting with surprise I stated "wow look at that Brony Con going on in that place..." Before I knew it he was out of the cab and vanished towards the random building I pointed at......So I jumped in the driver seat and drove off....Cause why not. As I drove off I chucked his cd out the window. And put on the Billy Idolz on the radioz. Slothz drive better to Billy Idolz.
After a few blocks of driving on things like the sidewalk, in the middle of the road, lanes where humans were going in the opposite direction to me. You know humans can't drive. The cab cell rings so I liked hit the speaker buttonz. And this dude was like yelling in a Paki accent "YOu.....bad, bad, not man. How dare you steal my cab and trick me so bad. Stop now and bring cab back NOW!" So I said to the guy: " Ummm.......like No and stuff." After he ranted for awhile I told him "I will give you a tip....stop being a brony." And I hung up on him. Anyway so I finally got to this datez place.
As I was sitting at the table the chick came up and sat downz. She kind of looked like this....
And asked how I got here I told her I took a cab, and I am not giving it back. She asked "Oh were did you park?" I told her "Half way thought thatz news paper stand around the block."
"So" she said "I hope your vegan cause I am and I will only be on this date if you order something vegan. I have a daughter named snot who is a chicken. And I am a strict feminist I only agreed to this date because your not a human man your a Slothz which is why you told me to go out with you anyway." I said "We Slothz call vegan stuff, Klingonism."
So anyway we ordered and she spent most of the night bitching about stuff Feminists like....It all started to sound like Shah clank, clank. Then the waiter guy came with the billz.....And I said "Thatz a lot of bling stuffz you got to pay." She looked at me with this shocked look on her face and said..."I have to pay?" "Yeah" I said..."Feminists are chicks who pay for the grubz on datez, so I datez you, Slothz like free grubz."
"You sexist little.....Hey wait a minute there is no fucking vegan Chicken hamburgers on this Menu!!!!! All those chicken burgers you ate right in front of me the whole time were.....REAL CHICKEN!!!!!!! There is no Vegan Hitler Ice Cream either is there...That stuff you brought was animal based!!!!!!" At this point, I was going to say something or something but I just responded by chicken burping for a minute straight in her direction. At this point her face turned red and she was about to explode into psycho rage. When I said...."Look itz the Papatracury!" She looked around surprised and angry......"Oh my god where!" She said.
When she turned around she noticed my chair was empty and her purse was missing......"You sexist, Hitler Ice Cream, Nazi bastard get back here!!!!! And pay for this meal!!!! She screamed as she chased after me. As I made it near the door I picked this huge chicken off the platter and threw it at her face, knocking her on her fat ass as the chicken grease ran down her face and mouth she started rolling around on the floor screaming...."Snot....Snot....Snot......No!!!! I bez riding the chickenz wingz of eternity, shah clank, clank!" As she continued her epic mental breakdown, I slipped out the doorz. Because why not, what liberalz is not fucking nutz....anyway.
As I drovez off back through was left of the news paper stand, I rang up my Slothz, roadz brahz.....Roadbrahz, Amonbrahz and Fancy Slothz. As I swung around this park and picked them up..... I said "Mien bro'z its time to buyz stuff courtesy of the Matrachary" As I showed the credit cardz and cash from the lunatic fringez purse. "Awww Yeah" We all sang in return.
So we drovez to the mall and brought all kindz of stuff about Swastika's, Billy Idolz, People who like Swastika's and Billy Idolz. Till we maxed out the cardz and stuff. Fancy Slothz bought of all Elton's greatest hitz.....Cause thatz Fancy Slothz.
And thatz the Slothz talez of the Big City Datez......